revved up and reviewed! - an email.

I wish there were more words for 'love', like 'tilt' or 'stellar' or something that vibrates your fingers like music playing right through the keyboard as you type. Like 'evol'-ving into this timid poetic rhythm of a heartbeat, filling a chest like a symphony...

And then the night was almost over, but all it meant was that the morning was waking up, so i never had a chance to grieve. And anyway, maybe grieving's beside the point, or mistaken, or already been done. Or there's always tomorrow night, too, if all we've ever needed is an excuse to cut loose. And dance the friggin' macarena.

My eyes would love to look into yours. They've been complaining relentlessly, but are of course also easily distracted. Hence all the casebooks on this side of the country. There were these scenes in this movie, where they'd dance and just look at each other, and how does that seem so impossible to me? I need to learn how to make eye contact without thinking, especially of what to say next for the excuse to break it. So scary--but why? Too much riding on it? Too much to hide? Hopefully not, I'd like to just think that that's usually what you see in the movies, and so it's hard to break the habit. That is, of looking down and smiling, rather than looking up expressionless.

[w00t! Well, that was a whole lot of random gibberish!]

I feel like my feet miss you, and my rib cage, and my exposed back at night. I feel like my hair has fallen slack out here, so my goal is to not let my smile fall down with it, silly. And since my mind's the only thing about me that has no fear of forgetting, all i have to do is think of you--and there my lips go curling up again. Every time i breathe i mean to be disloyal to my misery, and its temptation--cuz frankly, it never did send a get-well card to either of us, now did it, love?

Love. My tilted head, stellar at sprouting your smile--like so many flowers in my mind, and all singing their sunshine vibrato.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (1/21/10)

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