On hearing of too many deaths at once...

Go figure. That knowledge that sits in your stomach...it's unnecessary to bring it to the forefront. Not before you, rather some thousands of miles away--and sometimes even in the cold thickness of an ancient book--but still there. You can feel it cooling your toes when you lose your socks; it's present in the chilly air of an empty walk. Leaving school late again, but no idea how the hours got to go without so much as your notice, let alone your awkward consent. Beloveds and strangers; admired men and humbled women; folks suddenly described in a court case, when just barely before were walking--thinking--breathing their taken lives for granted.

I think my life for granted, too, but still have it for now--at least this whole. Not with the far-gone ones, nor either the far ones, gone; their passing happened over the telephone. I mourn them only in my mind, and as though on my own, all the way out here. Saying the names aloud, no recognition dawns in any one of my companions' gazes. Or rather, none would, should I dare to speak these names. Better for now, i think, not to see their anonymity reflected in the eyes of sudden friends--point-blank, like the shot-gun blast sought the bad man's abdomen...not right? Maybe no one deserves that fleeting surprise. But then, why should expectation be held at all merciful? Why the wait, taken any less for pain?

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (11/16/09)

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