persevere until
that hinted of end
swallows all of it over again
decide then--where else to go?
and where the stopping point begins,
when it begins to win.

We should learn how not to be ashamed of desire, unmet.

Like in limbo. A place where the before is at least as eventful as the after, but the now is an unasked question. Hanging. Wine covered up by quasi-carbonation and a phone loudly not ringing. When love calls like duty calls, the moment stagnates like a pristine dress--worn not for the lack of promise.

It's a crack waiting to happen, breaking down the center of our hearts. These plans too terrified to be made; this double-jointed heart at odds with your impervious schedule, so expectantly arbitrary. Where's the hope in falling, love?

When you won't be found. Lose yourself willingly, but only by yourself. Come down from the joy; climb high out of the wallowing and follow the steps you're going to take. Better to be there knowingly, be it with misery or companion - or companionable silence. Re-read the words that make the writing of them worth it, and try not to wait for the call.

But why (not)?

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/13/09)


Slim. And beady eyes bulging. Beauty lies, too. Don't think too full lest you stop believing. End before beginning, playing out reality. A slim reality, anyway.

Unfortunate Philosophies & Despairing Revelations

I'm a little bit needy, I've discovered. Is it worse when in comparison with other couples? Or only now, when massive change is imminent and artfully unspoken? Either way 'twill be at least partial relief to let it go, this need in wait of fulfillment; this heart-squeeze of hope.

What cold secret compels a lover to look at his love with weary exhaustion? Why would I ever choose to follow suit, seeing the struggle of growth shape a relationship as though it were a fight we were forced into--as though just being here smacked suspiciously of an extended workday, too much for you to bear?

My inside voice is screaming, 'Why not see the future?!' It seems readily apparent to me tonight: my wanting you? You're gonna miss that when it's gone. Why you're missing it now, I can't understand.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/12/09)

"There is nothing as humbling as acceptance." -W.E.

Abstraction comes so much easier than incriminating details. 'Long-distance relationship'--a contradiction in terms? I find myself riddled with jealousy these days, with a vigor that I've never considered myself capable of. No, there's no being above anything earthly, as long as we're earthbound. And still the phone doesn't ring.

Really, I should make the attempt to fall asleep. Early mornings don't agree with late nights, or so they tell me. I guess that's all I got anyway. Consummately distracted, you know.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/8/09)

"The tears will help to keep your need at bay." -Beth O. (Ahhhh!)

In the time it takes to take a breath, the splendid second side swipes depth of focus, telling of a moment's motion muddled gray and glowing fuschia--scented sweet and taking notion--wrings exception from the bland folks' trust fund and pays beyond your imagination.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/8/09)


Distress call. Derogatory confession in dark crystal-reflected company. Quitting entire populations & listening still to lies--we float warm through our own impressions of a likely reality. Wishful thinking on songs, at dawn's last unlit plateau. Look down to beat-up, well-loved flat sandaled memories--beautiful? Of course, that morning-after awards fumbling, must be savored and kept well-hidden from proponent fools of well-rehearsed love at first touch. Curvaceous lettered thoughts in-bred from scrawling, scribbled (raw) & bloody emotion coloring that tearful pink. Stressed lull, lullabying the frozen infant to wiggle, once more its toes.


I wrote it on my canvas with a paintbrush, fancying myself a writer. "Write about the lives you represent. Write in the forgotten, as though memory were necessary. Type out black and gray, the versions of existence you seem to remember, the feeling of someone almost there with you, who you can't quite recall. Whose face faces yours blankly, flutters on the edge of recollection before just gone--now that you've gone away. Disappeared entirely to wherever you are this time? No one can mourn for the selves they buried, intentionally all alone. And then the voice, it spoke from below, not from above. I could not understand the words it wore..."

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/3/09)

Tropical melodies for a Saturday evening.

I'm not stoked about the gradual phasing out that happens with most people from our lives. It's such a LAME shortcoming, so unintentionally unfortunate, and utterly self-pitiful. But what can you do? The process takes two, at least, and it still seems preferable to many people than taking some semblance of responsibility for the deaths of the relationships we half-heartedly enter into. (What is it?: "El cielo es azul, just don't go telling everyone." - C.O.)

Ha! Well, to be "not stoked" about something is nonetheless not that freakin' bad, eh? My weekend is meant for maintenance, I'll maintain, but I believe it's my greatest weakness by far. Instead, six-mile-muddy Buddha-charmed hikes trump, and hours of reading sci-fi-fantastical works of art. My mind's a mess when it looks at the bigger picture, but ah, what splendid focus it can muster! One thing at a time, and the mention of a holistic healing of self is as meaningless as an abstraction of language from a word.

What else? Cold feet, and the insured certainty of self-deception in everything we do--still hopefully in these tiny-tiny ways. For instance, finally taking the time to write something (silly) just when comes to us an opportunity to do something readily necessary. As though utility were something shameful! and to be denied whenever possible. Cheap? "Whatevs."

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/2/09)

Mmm... Sweet potatoes are sWeEt, Potato!

The key is to not stop -- to not gain comfort from cessation, or give servitude gently to sleep. But it is very much a challenge to keep awake through bad dreams, and ever more so through the unimagined pleasure of those we deem good. Goosebumps break out like the prickling of gratitude, tipped at your toes when they watch as though dreaming, tight-rope walkers' feet that don't belong to the ground, nor their routine. Brittle red ribbon, hung loosely like expectation unmet and focus as yet unlooked upon. Throw away the silly reasons why! This minute exists solely for the self you mean to be--but only right this minute--look not beyond, because vision stops dead there. Look not above, because you'll only catch god's henchmen looking down, sick with jealous love. Not resentment, but admittedly, hardly love at all by now. Then look not below either, except to dream wonder into the earth, your stepping stone sufficient. Question lightly the hand-written note, even as you enjoy its solemn or joyous message. Massage into stress the hope of new life, and old alike. Ancience like spearmint breath warm on waiting skin; newness like carrots that burgeon--singularly miraculous, each crimson-orange crown resplendent with green and traceless of gray. Decay like brave sacrifice, understanding the ridiculous self-flattery imbued in the prospect, still unhumble in the lesson learned in giving up for the sake of balance. Giving over to the blissful, beatific utopia of KaRmic VisIon--a universal scale weighing out the promises, promising aLL to all it holds dear. Shatter the concept of considerate justice, at the expense of experience allowed & entrances wide-open. Honest.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (5/1/09)