Jessie Anne Grooming Services will hardly deliver.

An hour until my birthday. Two until i must go into work for manual labor. The latter takes up much more of my attention, though the former has claim on my concern.

I spent the majority of my day off today scouring the land for books bearing the name Evelyn Lau. The Chinese-Canadian writer has dropped into obscurity and proves time and again to be as elusive as my most brilliant of thoughts. She has recently become an obsession for I and a notable companion of mine, not least of which due to the ease at which the woman articulates the distinct trouble of obsession itself. She remains a figment to us, and will therefore be pursued again.

I saw a man last night as i walked my dog at 1 am. He rode a bike as aimlessly as i stumbled, with a stray gaze and a pipe between his lips. He turned to me and grinned as he rode past my expectations and i. I think he heard me singing.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (7/20/04)

As smoldering coals freeze beneath my feet.

Days ago i walked to the beach and someone spoke to me. He was a man that might have been homeless but just as easily not. He stood at the other side of the street and i approached him as i crossed.

A mile before i had picked up a piece of trash whose path i crossed and i had been holding it crumpled in my fingers for an awaiting trash can. I think this is why it happened; I think God wanted to acknowledge me.

My headphones were covering my ears so i didn't hear him at first, but as i increasingly smile at strangers to have their eyes for one moment, i saw his lips move. In a deliberate motion the music fled my ears.

'I said do you know how beautiful you are? Has anyone told you how beautiful you are? You really are, i just thought you should know.'

I told him my name and put my hand out for him to shake. He kissed it instead and told me his. I thanked him for saying such a thing and then i left. Behind him and at the edge of the beach i finally found a trash can.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (7/10/04)

4:32 am is way too something or other.

I should make sleep a constant. Though i won't.

If i could only make it a habit i might not succumb to such tempting imaginings at all, but as of yet it remains as one more thing escaping me.

But yes: tired i am. I really can't focus on anything else. Oh yeah...

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (7/3/04)

Sorry, not drunk; just tired.

I avoid eye contact at all costs.

See, what's wrong with me is this: I lack any and every experience of the social kind so that the smallest thing feels so potentially intimate that i shrink from it. Meeting a person's eyes can send my heart into a frantic state. Not unpleasant, but definitely unreasonable.

It's amazing to me now that i've gotten used to a lack of human physical contact. I notice intensely when i'm brushed against, it happens so rarely. I find an unrivaled sweetness in the inconceivable image of a body next to mine. Only just touching.

I am lack. (Bah.)

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (7/2/04)