Wha...wha...wha...wHAt!?

“I aspire to be a recluse with a beautiful view.”
"Don't say that.‭”
“Why not‭? ‬It has nothing to do with you.‭”
“Of course it does.‭”
“When are you coming back‭?”
“I'm not.‭”
“Then it doesn't.‭”

Our last conversation is more real than any of the memories leading up to it. It's always like that for me, once something is gone it's as if it were never there at all. My recollection fades with the passing of time--it's only this that doesn't change. But at least I know I'll soon stop thinking of these final words. Only when we fill the void do we realize how empty we really were. Whoever needed that kind of knowledge?

Alright. So apparently I'm kind of mad. Hmm...

My pact is to exclude expectation wherever possible--but the one instance that this exclusion doesn't touch upon is when that expectation is given explicitly: when I am told that something will happen/or be done/or is the way someone feels...I expect this to be true, or else truly fulfilled.

This is not to say that I don't also expect things to change, whether they be feelings or plans or minds. And I'm all for that too, when the changes are positive or of a greater priority. But the original expectation is not void until equally explicitly so--if you profess the intention to perform an action, then you must also profess the retraction of this intention. Or else what? Well, or else you're just a fucking liar. What else?

I expected him to call. Or else I expected him to be unable to do so... Fuck.

Faretheewell folk,
-Talthea (9/30/08)